Chapter 9 " Friends, Lovers, Families

Friends, Lovers and Families

A Friend

A friend is defined as a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. This type of a relation is friendship. In every society in the world people have and follow this relationship and support it. In some societies this relationship is given more importance than others. In our society friends are given almost the same attention as ones family member. Family is the closest relationship a person has, and if that is disturbed a friend can be very helpful.

Friendship types

1.The friendship of reciprocity

•Loyalty, self-sacrifice, mutual affection, generosity.

Share equally in giving receiving the benefits and rewards of the relationship.

Eg : close friend

2.The friendship of receptivity

•One person is the primary giver, and one the primary receiver.

Eg : teacher & students, doctor & patient

3.The friendship of association

•friendly relationship

There is no great loyalty, no great trust, no great giving & receiving.

Eg : classmates, neighbours, coworkers

                                                Lovers

                 

Types of love:

Eros : erotic, sensual, desire, lust

Ludus : excitement, fun, entertainment

Storge : peaceful and slow

Pragma : practical and traditional

Mania : extremist of opposites

Agape : unconditional love

Family

It's no stretch to say that a person has a serious advantage in life if they come from a loving, supportive home. Many people still succeed though they come from less-than-ideal family situations, but having our basic needs met, knowing that our parents love us and learning life lessons at home make all the challenges of day-to-day living that much easier to face. Likely, as an adult you want a happy home for your family.

Types of family

–Traditional couples

•The conventional form of a family – shared values, beliefs, tolerance for one another.

–Independent couples

•Individuals in this family setting stresses individuality as the main theme in the family – unfortunately this is how the modern family is today.

–Separate couples

•This family setting is not really a family but individuals in this family stay together for a common benefit (paying the rent, sharing living space)

Chapter 7&8 : Interpersonal relationship

Interpersonal Relationship

1. An interpersonal relationship is a strong, deep, or close association or acquaintance between two or more people that may range in duration from brief to enduring. This association may be based on inference, love, solidarity, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment.
2. Conversation Process:

• Opening - this is the first step of conversation saying "Hi, wassup, yo"
• Feedforward - is the second stage of the conversation

1. to open the channels of communication "perfect day, nice mood, isn't it?"
2. preview future message "Hey, I got something to tell ya"

• Business - is typically third stage of the conversation and message portion as well
• Feedback - the fourth stage of the conversation and also considers as a response stage "Thanks dude, for telling me good news"
• Closing - is the last stage of the conversation, obviously such as "Good bye, take care"

Relationship Stages

  1.Contact
     The first stage of a relationship, where people become aware of one another's existence – impersonal and almost ritualized.

•  Perceptual = human senses (sight, smell, taste, hear, touch).
•  Interactional = First point of contact; “Hello my name is Nika” and other non-verbal gestures. 

         For Asians, this is the stage where both parties are still shy and                      distance from each other. 

  

  2.Involvement

     Second stage of relationship where people have tighter bonds and engagements with one another – expect light bonds of friendship and being added into the social circle.
Testing stage = “Hey, do you want to come out for a drink?”; “Do you like this song?”; “Are you a Manchester United fan as well?”
Intensifying stage = The amount of times or commitments you committed to one another – appointments, dating, etc.

3. Intimacy

     Third stage of relationship where people have a deep and committed relationship with one another – relationships grow stronger, explicit displays of affection, communication and bond with one another. 
At this stage, you’ve become familiar and comfortable with each other.

4.Deterioration 

    Reality hurts: At some stage, everybody grows up. You would be considered lucky if you are still close to your childhood friends when you are an adult – often we see and experience changes with people and even ourselves in our lives due to different stages of life (youth, young adult, adults, etc.) that has different priorities.

5. Repair

  Fifth stage of relationship where those affected in the

     deterioration stage try to work things out with one another. 

     Intrapersonal – you may consider changing your behaviors or perhaps changing your expectations of your partner

      Interpersonal – you talk and discuss about the problems.

6. Dissolution

   Sixth and last stage of relationship where bonds are broken or returned  back to a platonic (before friendship or neutral level).

   

     EX: you separate yourself from the person you don’t like or have differences  with, or you separate yourself from the group that you hang out with because  you don’t agree with their lifestyle.

 

    Interpersonal separation – you may not see each other anymore or may not return messages, move into separate apartments.

    Social or public separation – avoidance of each other and a return to being“single” (divorce)

Chapter 6: Non-verbal Messages

Non-verbal Messages

Everything communicates, including material objects, physical space, and time systems. Although verbal output can be turned off, nonverbal cannot. Even silence speaks.

Non-verbal communication

It's well known that good communication is the foundation of any successful relationship, be it personal or professional. It's important to recognize, though, that it's our nonverbal communication—our facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, posture, and tone of voice—that speak the loudest. The ability to understand and use nonverbal communication, or body language, is a powerful tool that can help you connect with others, express what you really mean, and build better relationships.

Non-verbal Messages Allow People To:

• Reinforce or modify what is said in words. For example, people may nod their heads vigorously when saying "Yes" to emphasise that they agree with the other person, but a shrug of the shoulders and a sad expression when saying "I'm fine thanks,” may imply that things are not really fine at all.
• Convey information about their emotional state.
• Define or reinforce the relationship between people.
• Provide feedback to the other person.
• Regulate the flow of communication, for example by signalling to others that they have finished speaking or wish to say something.

Functions Of NON-Verbal Messages:

I. Integrating Nonverbal and Verbal Messages

II. Forming and Managing Impressions

III. Defining Relationships

IV. Structuring Conversation

V. Influencing and Deceiving

VI. Expressing Emotions

Miracle Worker

Movie Time

Today we have watched an amazing, touching movie which Mr. Anwari has showed to us. Blind and deaf after suffering a terrible fever as a baby, young Helen Keller has spent years unable to communicate, leaving her frustrated and occasionally violent. As a last chance before she is institutionalized, her parents contact a school for the blind, which sends half-blind Annie Sullivan to teach Helen. Helen is initially resistant, but Annie gradually forms a bond with her and shows Helen ways of reaching others.

Chapter 5 : Verbal messages

Verbal Messages

1. Speech-related gestures are used in parallel with verbal speech; this form of nonverbal communication is used to emphasize the message that is being communicated. Speech-related gestures are intended to provide supplemental information to a verbal message such as pointing to an object of discussion.
2. Principles of verbal messages:

   
   

   
   

   1. Message Meanings Are in People

   2. Messages Are Denotative and Connotative

   3. Meanings Depend on Context/ Abstraction

   4. Messages Vary in Politeness

   5. Messages Vary in Assertiveness

   6. Messages Can Deceive
3. Each of these 10 verbal communication tip is just as important in our
4. personal lives as in our professional lives. By improving your verbal 
5. communication skills you will quickly connect and build rapport, earn 
6. respect, gain influence, and become more likable and accepted.

• Be friendly. People who communicate with a friendly tone and warm smile almost always have the edge. The reason is simple: we are subconsciously drawn to people who are friendly because they make us feel good and bring more enjoyment to our lives.
• Think before you speak. One of my favourite English Proverbs is “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” I find that many people say whatever goes through their minds without putting any thought into what they are saying. As a result they say things that end up reflecting poorly on themselves.
• Be clear. Most of us don’t have the time nor do we want to spend our emotional energy to figure out what someone else is trying to say. People who are indirect in their verbal communication and who tend to hint at things without saying what’s really on their mind are seldom respected. When there is something you want to say, ask yourself, “What is the clearest way I can communicate this point?”
• Don’t talk too much. Last week I met with a personal chef. At first I was impressed with him and considered hiring him for an upcoming event. However, the more he talked the less impressed I became. Very few people like to be around someone who talks too much and dominates the conversation.
• Be your authentic self. Today, (more than anytime during my lifetime), people are turned off by those people who feel the need to put on a show to make their point. Instead, people are attracted to someone who speaks from the heart and is genuine, transparent, and real.
• Practice humility. Humility is having a modest view of one’s own importance. It is one of the most attractive personality traits one can possess and is one of the most significant predictors of someone who is respected. People who speak with humility and genuine respect for others are almost always held in high regard.
• Speak with confidence. You don’t have to sacrifice self-confidence to practice humility. Confidence is a self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s true abilities, whereas humility is having a modest opinion of one’s own importance. Speaking with confidence includes the words you choose, the tone of your voice, your eye contact, and body language.
• Focus on your body language. When you are engaged in face-to-face verbal communication, your body language can play as significant of a role in the message you communicate as the words you speak. Your body language communicates respect and interest. It puts real meaning behind your words.
• Be concise. Very few things are more irritating to me than when someone can’t get to the point of what he or she is trying to say. Plan ahead. Constantly ask yourself, “How can I say what needs to be said using the fewest number of words possible while still being courteous and respectful?”
• Learn the art of listening. Being an attentive listener is more important in verbal communication than any words that can come out of your mouth. You must show a sincere interest in what is being said, ask good questions, listen for the message within the message, and avoid interrupting.

Chapter 4: The Self

The Self

The Self elaborates on how communication takes place interpersonally. 

It encompasses who you are, what you represent, what defines you, everything about an individual in reference to communication. 

The Self as a subject comprises of the following:

1. Self-Concept

2. Self-Awareness

3. Self Esteem

4. Self-Disclosure

Self-Concept: This entails your personally belief about yourself, your capabilities, your do's and don’ts, your strengths and weakness. It is the exact image of who you are. Self-concept is influenced by several factors including Social Comparison, Cultural teachings and your self-evaluations.

Self-Awareness: This is the ability to discover things we actually know about ourselves.  A process of discovering our individual growth and understanding. This process isn’t limited to the individual alone but to others whom you close or around you. At some point, people know things about you that you do not know about yourself, these parts are all categorized by the Johari Window. This window expatiates the level of knowledge between one's self and others.

Self Esteem: This involves the amount of trust you have on yourself. the amount of confidence. A big part of our affairs depends on our self-esteem, how sure we are of ourselves.

Self-Disclosure: This Simply involves telling people about you. Telling people about you makes you feel a sense of belonging, comfort and security but it does have negative impacts as well, Its negative sides includes mistrust and mockery because she may have shared some rather too private information about yourself.

Chapter 3: Listening

Listening

Listening is the ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication process. 

Listening is key to all effective communication, without the ability to listen effectively messages are easily misunderstood – communication breaks down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated or irritated.

Listening is classified into several stages as follows:

First your Receive. The point of receiving is the first step of the hearing process where you either hear auditory stimuli, or see something. At this stage your attention should be well observed because this is the most important role in the process of listening.

Secondly, you understand what you have perceived. this is the second stage of the listening process and this depends on weather or not you paid attention during the receiving process.

The third State is the Remembering Process. At this stage, you construct the meaning or idea so as to save it in your memory, You identity the main ideas of what you heard, you try to repeat names or other key concepts present in the subject.

Fourthly, Evaluation. Evaluating depends on what your mindset and mentality as it involves judging what you hear, Evaluation can be made for accurate if you would reconfirm the speakers intended message for clarification, distinguish facts from opinions and be able to  paraphrase.

And Finally, the Responding Stage, All that you have be informed off will be organized, digested and feedback will be developed. at this stage, you communicate back to the sender of the message expressing your intension or confirmation of messages received